The Paternal To-do of 2022

January 1, 2022 by Randal Eldon Greene in Personal and tagged 2022, acceptance letter, birth, Bright Moon Over Lover's Bridge, dad life, fatherhood, Fiction, new baby, new father, new job, postpartum, publication, short story, Slider, stay-at-home-dad, work, work-life balance, writing | 2 Comments

I stretched awake one Monday morning sometime in late September and decided that I’d take the week off to tackle a backlogged to-do list. With the due date of my first child looming on the near horizon, there were things I had to get done before she was born and other things I certainly wouldn’t have time to do once she was here. This list included baby things (washing all of our little girl’s new clothes, reminding my wife to order a breast pump through her insurance, packing my hospital bag, making space in the kitchen cupboards for her baby supplies, installing car seats, etc.) and things not directly about baby (replacing the brakes on my car and getting the radiator flushed plus the interior detailed, reorganizing emergency supplies, figuring out my insurance due to a change of ownership at work, getting the dry cleaning done, scheduling myself an eye exam, taking the dog to the groomers, and having the dog spayed due to a false pregnancy lasting over a month), plus myriad other items I’m not remembering on top of the usual cooking and cleaning, online birthing classes and doctor’s visits, Hello, Author reading, and my relaxing evening book time.

Luckily, most of the major baby things (like flipping the guest room into a nursery) had been taken care of well before this “week” of to-do list tackling. Nonetheless, that week stretched into over a month. My to-do list not only took me longer to accomplish than I expected, but it seemed to grow with new additions by each Friday’s end. I finally slowed down, finished reading a fantastic western by Oakley Hall, and picked up my book for future dads only to learn that the next thing I’d likely do is tackle any to-do projects I’d been putting off. Apparently this is the paternal version of nesting, and I’d been nesting hard.

Well, that to-do listing last pretty much until the day our daughter was born. And since then, it’s been baby bootcamp. Well, also baby cuddle time.

So, uh, am I ever gonna get back to writing? Perhaps. It’s 2022 and I’ve got the same old things on my plate: write, edit, consider consistently posting to social media. But I’m also looking for a new job. Yes, babies cost a lot of money—so considering a new line of work wasn’t off the table—but my current job provides me with the perfect hours to avoid the need for shipping our bundle of cute and poop off to daycare. My current job is ideal really. Well, it was, until I caught wind of potential position that would more than double my family’s income and provide more or less commensurate hours. Still, I love this job and how darn easy it is. Easy except for when the customers try to kill you.

Yep, you read that right. Easy except for when the customers try to kill you. A guy went after me with a knife last Sunday. Why? Because we were out of hard boiled eggs. He got up in my face and was like What you gonna do about it? I told him I’d make some more (I normally wouldn’t so close to closing, but whatever). Well, instead of waiting for fresh and delicious eggs, he decided to curse at me and the hotel with some very crude language. At this point I told him he had 15 minutes to pack up his room and leave the property. He got quiet then, and a cold countenance turned the previously angry face into a violent nothingness. I started stepping back and watched as a knife flip open in his pocket.

At this point everything happened rather fast. Through some instinct, I contorted my body in a way to keep my soft parts as far from him as possible and had my arms way out in front of me, all the while apparently moving back toward the office door where I could lock myself inside. I also screamed “I’m sorry!” which paused his advance just long enough for me to get inside the door without harm.

The man was crazy. He began crying and giving me a sob story about being homeless for the past three weeks. I did not end up pressing charges so that he could spend his time talking to mental health counselor instead of in jail, which, yes he deserved, but which also wouldn’t have helped him. Yeah, the man needs to not do these kinds of things, but he’ll continue to do them until he gets some sort of mental health help.

If only this wasn’t the only incident in 2021. Since I began this job over seven years ago, I’ve met my fair share of belligerent, crazy, and downright rude people. I’ve also met some super sweet folk. The fact that not only coworkers, but four guests gave gifts when Cora was born proves that there’s more good than bad here. But my life is worth more than $12 an hour. And it wasn’t too many months ago that a guy I told to get packing did pack away everything but his gun. Instead of entering his room when it was evident that he was still in there, I decided to call the police. While I did not know he had a gun, something told me the mother fucker was in there waiting to shoot me. I was right. The first thing the police did when they entered his room was ask him why he was sitting there with a gun. He had his bag ready to go and his gun ready to go off. Yeah, a real nice piece of human trash. Reason I was kicking him out: he was attempting to pick fights with other guests.

I love this place but, if I’m realistic, I could have died over hard boiled eggs. HARD BOILED EGGS. Fuck that. I’m done.

So now I have the prospect of a new job plus all the time and energy that goes into raising a baby. But I do intend to get back to writing. I already know I’ll be spending less time than before on my novels and short stories. Not only because of job and baby, but because it’s a new year. It’s 2022 and, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not the person I want to be. There’s things about myself I want to work on beyond my creative output. And, in fact, I’m putting that first. Because I can’t be happy with me or even with me as a successful writer until those aspects of my potential I haven’t honed are indulged. So I’m going to indulge in myself this year. I’m going to make my baby girl proud to have me as her father. I want the dad she’ll come to known to be a different man than the one I am now.

And I already know this is going to be a great year. My first email of 2022 was an acceptance letter for Bright Moon Over Lover’s Bridge. So let’s celebrate the beginning of this new year with a book and a beverage. Cheers!

plain of swords – New Publication

March 1, 2020 by Randal Eldon Greene in Fiction and tagged fantasy, Flash Ficiton, outposts of beyond, plain of swords, publications, short story, Slider | 1 Comment

plain of swords

I’m so excited to announce that my first hard fantasy story plain of swords has been published in Outposts of Beyond. I call it my first hard fantasy because I have written some other things that are arguably fantasy-esque, such as Demon Zone, but nothing like this: We have a knight, a princess, and a dragon. But don’t expect this to be a straightforward tale either. It’s not really what you’d expect just from those details.

plain of swords is an experimental story. I try to indicate with the all lower-case title that this piece is approaching the conveyance of prose in an unusual way:

a plain of swords is made to kill. The knight surveys the glinting blades . . . crows swoop low . . . a daring game . . . “a death dance,” the locals say . . . a love affair with the polished edge and the gore of impaled pilgrims who have flung themselves from the cliffs above . . . a reenactment of Saint Leemarrow’s ancient miracle . . . only with less flying . . . yet just as much faith.

As you can see, it’s their January issue, but there was a delay at the printers, so it came out just last month (and I got my copy in the mail—check enclosed—just yesterday). This is also the last issue of Outposts of Beyond. I’m super happy to see that it’s a very reasonable price, only $9 USD. I think people spend more than that for coffee and cookies on the regular.

If sci-fi and fantasy isn’t your thing, I’ll understand you probably won’t buy it unless you’re a huge fan of mine (I see you waving your arm in the back there, Mom!). So if you’re really wanting to see the rest of the short story, you’ll have to purchase a copy of the magazine since I don’t know when I’ll have a collection coming out with plain of swords in it. Probably not anytime soon (though I certainly have been building a collection of stories which will include plain of swords).

Thanks for all the support, Bookworms. Let me know what you’ve been reading lately. If you’re a writer, me know what you’ve been working on and if you’re been writing outside your usual genres and how you experiment or keep it traditional within your own work.

Remembering to Celebrate Our Successes

December 24, 2019 by Randal Eldon Greene in Fiction and tagged alcohol, C.R.Y., Celebrate Our Success, copypasta, dark comedy, drugs, Inspiration and education for creatives, inspirational, medium, motivational, positivity, publications, short fiction, short story, Slider, transgressive fiction, zine | Leave a comment

Dear Blog Reader,

I am not going to troll you. This post is about my latest publication, Remembering to Celebrate Our Successes, which appeared in C.R.Y. yesterday. It’s an enjoyable piece if you read it blind. And I suggest you do. Below I’m going to be writing about the publication, so if you would rather not have spoilers, please click the link above and return here when you’re done.

In the past month I had around 30 people follow me on Medium. Currently, I try to check out my followers and read something of theirs if they happen to be writers. Almost every single person who followed me was a writer, generally posting their articles rather than submitting to publishers who use Medium, a company that hosts the writings of both publishers and individual bloggers. Some of the authors were quite good. About 20, however, wrote what I can only describe as motivational copypasta. Maybe it is original writing, but the vague feel-good and self-improvement articles certainly lack any original ideas or spin.

I have found that since Medium created a paywall option for articles—meaning that writers are actually paid when their work is read—that tons of articles with clickbait titles, containing little of substance, have exploded on the host’s platform. Remembering to Celebrate Our Successes is my response to this.

Derailment is the central image of this article. The piece starts out as another pro-tip for positivity, aimed at creatives and entrepreneurs. Your reading expectations are derailed when this motivational article turns into a story about the narrator’s celebration of his recently completed manuscript. Likewise the narrator’s own plans are derailed when his drug and alcohol-fueled night go awry. In fact, the image of derailment, in the form of dilapidated boxcars sitting off the train tracks, sets the final scene of this story.

By the way, this is a story. I only wrote it to make it seem, at first, like a nonfiction article. The character is not me. He only shares a vague resemblance to me, including a common nickname, just as the story only shares a vague resemblance to all the motivational copypasta inundating Medium’s feed.

Anyway, I appreciate you giving my story a read. And don’t forget to celebrate your success while knowing that perfection in your plans is unattainable, and sometimes what you want is derailed by circumstances both within and out of your control.

Also, don’t write clickbait. Write something original.

All photos from Pixabay or remixed from Pixabay unless otherwise stated.

Reflections on a decade-long journey to getting a flash fiction story published.

August 21, 2019 by Randal Eldon Greene in Dialogues and tagged Dialogues, expire, Fiction, publications, Raw Art Review, Short Stories, short story, Slider, The Titanic | Leave a comment

A revised and updated version of this post was published in The Ascent. Please read it there (especially if you are a paying member of Medium) because I get paid a little when my piece is read and clapped for. Thank you.

〈 Read Expire for free in Raw Art Review’s Spring 2019 Collection or buy a hard copy on the publisher’s website. 〉

This story took a long time to place. I don’t think it took so long because it was poorly written. In fact, I’ve had some compliments on it over the years. The editor at 34thParallel (one of the first magazines I ever submitted to) had this to say about it:

Dear R.E.
Let me say I’m impressed by your story; dialect in any form is difficult–damn difficult–for a whole lot of reasons of which I’m sure you’re aware. So I’ll repeat, I’m impressed–damn impressed (if you’ll excuse my language).

Only this April, the editor over at Barren Magazine had this to say about the two dialogue flash fiction stories I had submitted for consideration:

Thank you for sending “Expire” and “Attributes of a Girl” for our review. I really loved the experimentation but (especially “Expire“) we literally couldn’t tell what was happening. I know these responses are annoying but hope it helps a little!

Tahoma Literary Review also found the piece hard to understand. While they apparently made their way through the dialect, they ultimately decided that it didn’t work:

[I]n “Expire,” I found myself working really hard to parse the patois/dialect.

In other words, the form/gimmick outstripped the narrative.

I don’t blame any of these publications for rejecting Expire. It is a short piece and it is purposefully difficult. In fact, that’s the whole point. The form/gimmick is another layer of the theme. In fact, the way the story is presented makes the reading experience mirror the central issue of the story.

If you do figure out what is going on then you realize that the story is about how difficult it is to get a point across when trying to tell a story. The piece is constructed in a way to make it difficult to read. While the narrative revolves around a guy who doesn’t understand a specific word in a story being told about the Titanic, the form of the story itself challenges you, the reader, to understand the story on the page. Expire is printed as a block of text, using only dialogue without any dialogue tags, and one of the speakers in the story uses a black American vernacular. It’s not easy to read.

Expire is hard, and it’s meant to be hard. So I’m not surprised that I’ve received both positive feedback and criticism. Yes, I’m a little surprised it took me a whole decade with at least 33 submission attempts to get Expire published, but published it is at long last by Raw Art Review.

One of the differences with Raw Art Review is their commitment to trying to get a work. And that’s why I think they published this story where others didn’t. Bullet ten of their current submissions guidelines says this:

“Editors assume you are smarter than we are. We will strive to understand your intention ; stay open-minded and try to avoid imposing our presumptions on your work.”

Trace Sheridan, the editor with 34thParallel who was “damn impressed” with the use of dialect in the story, asked to see some more pieces alongside it. She ended up publishing the story Bad Weather instead of Expire. I don’t know exactly why she or her team didn’t publish it, although I think they would have had I had more stories like it—dialogical and dialectical—since she asked to see some more pieces while also asking, “Is this part of a larger set/collection of pieces?” And, at the time, no, it wasn’t a part of anything larger than itself.

Expire did eventually inspire me to spend a year writing dialogues. It was a good year. And I came out of that year with a good collection. Truly, I owe a whole book to Expire that I wouldn’t have otherwise written. Expire not only set the tone and implicit theme of the entire collection, but as a story that took a decade to get published, it reminds me that storytelling is a difficult art, even when you accomplish perfectly what you intended to do, like I did with Expire. It is one of my best pieces. And like many great pieces of storytelling, it says something that not everyone can hear and not everyone will like, but it says what it has to say boldly from the first word to the last little piece of punctuation.

Image source CC0 Domaine public

BIG – New Publication

July 8, 2019 by Randal Eldon Greene in Fiction and tagged COLP, Dialogues, Giants, Gypsum Sound Tales, publications, Short Stories, short story, Slider, The Wave | 1 Comment

My thirteenth dialogue to be released is BIG. Okay, it’s actually a rather short story, but it’s subject is big and is fittingly appearing in the Gypsum Sound Tales anthology COLP: Big. All the stories in this collection are themed big: Big is home to a collection of stories that feature large, enormous or gigantic characters and concepts and, in this situation, it is most definitely a case of bigger is better.

My story is called The Wave. If you’re so inclined to read some short stories about big things, you can purchase a paper copy or you’re free to grab a Kindle copy on Amazon.

How To Piss On Your Therapist

June 8, 2019 by Randal Eldon Greene in Dialogues, Fiction and tagged Dialogues, Fiction, online publication, print publication, Public House Magazine, publications, short story, Slider, therapy | Leave a comment

Public House Magazine has republished a story of mine, this time it’s available to read online for free. The original story appeared as Pissing Therapy in their print magazine, themed and designed as a tabloid. The reprint is now titled How To Piss On Your Therapist, cataloged online under their “How To” section.

Click here to read the story.

Art by Agni Dasein, Austria. Via Saatchiart

Iowa’s Emerging Writers

September 9, 2018 by Randal Eldon Greene in Dialogues, Fiction and tagged anthology, dialogue series, Dialogues, everything in its right place, Fiction, Iowa's Emerging Writers, publications, Short Stories, short story, Slider, Z Publishing | Leave a comment

My story-in-dialogue, Everything in Its Right Place, has been published in an anthology: Iowa’s Emerging Writers. This is my fifth dialogue to be showcased by a publisher, and the first one available in a print book. You can pick up a copy of Iowa’s Emerging Writers or find your own state’s showcased authors by following this link.

Thanks to anyone who buys a copy, as it helps me out just an a bit.

Take it easy, bookworms.

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE

July 7, 2018 by Randal Eldon Greene in Dialogues, Uncategorized and tagged dialogue series, Dialogues, Fiction, LIVE LAUGH LOVE, short story, Slider | Leave a comment

I dashed off a quick dialogue this week and even decided to already submit it. I hope it comes off as ironic as the phrase “live, laugh, love” comes off kitschy (kitschy to the point of being meaningless).

While I am devoted to cultivating a fulfilling life, I find “live, laugh, love” to be the condensed expression of all that is opposite to what I mean by “fulfilling life.”

According to my medium series (where I’m actually keeping count during this writing challenge) this is my 26th dialogue. So this marks the halfway point in my challenge! Thanks for cheering me on, Bookworms!

Wine Drunk Together Again

June 10, 2018 by Randal Eldon Greene in Dialogues, Fiction and tagged dialogue series, Dialogues, Fiction, short story, Slider, Wine Drunk Together Again | Leave a comment

Yesterday my latest short story in dialogue was featured for my series. Wine Drunk Together Again is a story about old friends meeting up overseas to relive their post-highschool trip to Spain. The story is divided into three parts, each named after the wine grapes used to create the current bottle on their table.

You can read all my available dialogues in my online fiction web series, Dialogues: a Collection of Creative Conversations. If you have any troubles accessing the series, let me know.

Click here to find the series and links, or just see the publications tab.

Image source: Pixabay (free for commercial use, no attribution required).

Insults Two by Two

June 2, 2018 by Randal Eldon Greene in Dialogues, Fiction and tagged dialogue series, Dialogues, Fiction, Insults Two by Two, medium, politics, religion, short story, Slider | 1 Comment

This story comes from two places: a childhood that had it’s fair share of insults slung at me and from the feelings of intense anger that have awoken in me since November 2016.

You can see the first place reflected in some of the lesser, totally repeatable insults (e.g., poopy pants). Other, more hurtful insults, may have been directed at friends or myself. Some possibly (and shamefully) may have been said by me (e.g., inbred hick).

You can see that these characters’ insults (if the insults have relation to the election) reflect a perceived entitlement to forgo politeness or political correctness some hateful homophobic, transphobic, Islamophobic, misogynistic, and racist individuals have displayed in their words and actions since a conman conned our nation.

These insults—from name-calling to blatant attacks on our environment and education—have made me angry. Stressed. Tribal at times.

But this story also has two characters who have something different to say than a comeback. Or maybe they say the most effective comebacks of all. I am too angry at times to feel such a non-confrontational reaction is the right reaction. After all, I’m hurt. Friends are hurt. Good people I won’t ever meet in person are hurt. And I feel dismayed and angry. And I want to do something about it. I want, in fact, to lash out.

Yet, I know that I want to stop feeling this way — angry and without control — every single time another insult comes along from this administration or its base. Instead, I want to learn to to feel a different way. Hurt, yes. I’ll always hurt, and I flee from temptations of apathy and lassitude. I want to learn to be in control, to not feel enraged. I want my reaction to be modeled on something better than the forces that are tearing at the fragile seams of our democracy. I want to find a way toward peace — if not outside myself then inside, where it must start, where it most counts.

Content Warning:
When you get a chance to see this story, just note it does use explicit and abusive language.

When it comes out in the future, I suggest you just skip Insults Two by Two if you feel the trigger warning pertains to you.

Read featured dialogues and links to available dialogues on Randal’s Medium series.

Image source: Pixabay (free for commercial use, no attribution required).

Randal Eldon Greene

Novelist & Short Story Author. Bookworm & Logophile.

Tag Archives: short story